My scariest Mom moments were the truly terrifying, heart stopping ones like hearing my toddler had a one in a million birth defect that required urgent surgery, or a frantic ambulance ride with my 2 year old in the throes of a horrible asthma attack cutting off his airway. I know so many Moms have dealt with much worse. I’m so lucky to have two wonderful, healthy sons.
It’s those truly scary Mom moments that put everything in perspective for the everyday, silly scary moments like these (also check out My Top 10 Special Mom Moments about the hugs, endless laughter and seeing the world through your child’s eyes):
1. Silence. When Children ARE in the house. Never a good sign. Unless you think something bad is about to happen is a good sign. Expect a loud crash, commotion and scary experiment within the next 5 minutes.
2. Experiments. Like when I came upon my son proudly beaming at his elaborate paper clip sculpture emanating from the electrical socket in the hallway. He seemed puzzled at my lack of excitement. Um, at least the positive kind of excitement he was seeking.
3. Loud Toys. Need I say more? Be sure to keep Costco-sized ibuprofen in the house.
4. A child’s devilish laugh, meant to sound like Elmo’s. Which would be nice if it didn’t accompany a successful climb up the television or shelving unit. (Seriously.)
5. Missing Sharpie markers. Which yes, WERE on a high shelf. That sinking feeling that there is a relationship between the missing Sharpie markers and that adorable Elmo laugh when you come upon your son drawing a picture of Dora on the bathroom wall. Then realizing that he’s already decorated the bathroom counters. In Sharpie.
6. What you find when checking pockets before doing the wash. Twigs, bugs, grass, crayons, remnants of experiments. Etc. Of course much better than what you find if you FORGET to check pockets before doing the wash.
7. Calls from preschool about 1) an escapade falling off the jungle gym resulting in an E/R visit, 2) compassionate concern about your son’s speech development, 3) a child chasing your child out of the preschool building (practicing early Mafia potential?).
8. Putting your hand in the bottom of your purse and it’s damp. Digging a soggy bag of chips and remnant of a juice box, along with your favorite, now mushy lipstick and illegible to do list. Your helpful, beloved child looks mystified when you ask how they got in your purse.
9. The moment you realize the splashing sound in the bathroom is something falling in the toilet, not the tub. Like a child’s toy. Or your cell phone. Not to be matched by the moment you realize right after your sick child nuzzles into you contentedly that they just threw up right down your shirt.
10. Potty Training. Enough. Said. Plus the stains and cleanups from accidents and apparent temptation for said toddler to toiletpaper the bathroom.
BONUS MOMENT: Nightmares about your child getting in trouble. Literally. A nightmare. Because living it during the day isn’t enough. Though waking up and realizing, phew, that DIDN’T really happen is a relief.